As unintended, repetitive farce, it has been a predictable constant since Eli Manning first quarterbacked the Giants, in 2004:
Before the first Giants' opening possession of the game, following a punt or an opponent's score, a down-low TV camera captures Manning putting on his helmet as he leaves the sideline in a trot, leading the offense on to the field. Yeah!
But where's he going? What's the hurry? Invariably, the Giants' first possession won't begin for at least another two minutes as per TV's commercial-breaks formula and payments to the NFL.
To that end, we'd love to one day have TV show us what Manning does during those waits. Does he slap the front of his helmet in a "When-will-I-learn?" realization that he again ran out on the field just to stand around, waiting?
And it was with that in my mind — it's a cry for help — that it struck me, over the weekend, while watching the Rangers and Islanders play on MSG and NBC in mostly good games, how unlike hockey is to football, basketball and baseball. It has nothing to do with skates vs. sneakers and cleats, but by how comparatively undisturbed NHL games are by TV and TV money.
Even the NHL's replay review rules mostly leave the game alone. It's an action game that hasn't allowed money to systemically minimize its action. At least, not yet.
And that brings us to Friday's Nets at Washington on YES. The Wizards won the first quarter, 24-18, with a 9-0 run. And that's exactly how they did it — they ran. The Nets played with their backs to the Wizards, who were whipping the ball up, then around, even scoring an easy two off an inside bounce-pass (ask your father).
It was superior team basketball, great on the senses. And everyone sensed it — the crowd, the Wizards' bench, viewers.
But then, as if to declare, "Well, that's enough of that," Washington began to walk it up, apparently choosing to become a feckless outside-shooting team, finishing 4-of-17 on 3-point shots. The Wizards lost the last three quarters, 84-56.
Brook Lopez rises over Washington's Marcin Gortat.Photo: EPA
This NBA game seemed to have been determined by farce, a winning formula abandoned as if on orders.
Also in Washington, Friday, CBS studio and in-game college hoops analyst Greg Anthony was busted for allegedly soliciting a prostitute. He was suspended by CBS for the rest of the season — rough, for a misdemeanor, unless Anthony had previous issues — and replaced on Saturday's Michigan State-Maryland game by Jim Spanarkel.
Naturally, a statement was issued, and, almost as naturally, it contained the language of modern apologies, in that it was borderline farcical:
"I made a mistake," Anthony said. "With the lapse of judgment, I embarrassed many, including myself. I will work to regain the trust I have lost, and the first step is saying that I am sorry."
A mistake? A mistake, at least the way I was raised — and that's all I've got — is when you forget to carry the one, or fail to remember that Tuesday is recycling night. I may be wrong, but I don't think you can be arrested for making a mistake, not an honest one.
What Anthony did was stupid, reckless and consciously illegal. "I made a mistake" sounds and reads more like a defense than a sorrow-filled admission.
But as talk show legend Joe Franklin counsels: "Sincerity is key. There's no substitute for sincerity. Once you learn to fake sincerity …"
Anyway, with farce the catch of the day, almost every day, Anthony — and the rest of us — can reasonably anticipate the active support of been-there/done-that/escaped-that Charles Barkley.
Aikman awes in brilliant FOX showing
Good things come to us who wait: Sunday's Packers-Seattle NFC Championship may have been Troy Aikman's best telecast, start to end, in his 12 years as FOX's lead NFL analyst.
Never had we heard him more alert, more eager to get ahead of the play — pointing out matchups before the snap, noting significant circumstances — more willing to succinctly share what he was thinking.
Troy AikmanPhoto: Getty Images
He even had some bite. After Aaron Rodgers hit wide receiver Jordy Nelson, alone in the left flat, Joe Buck said, "You give Aaron Rodgers that much time … and he will pick you apart." Aikman: "With that kind of time, there are 31 other quarterbacks in the league who will pick you apart."
After Green Bay's Sam Shields intercepted a pass in the end zone, Aikman was quick to say that Shields, as did Richard Sherman, "played wide receiver in college, too." And his immediate incredulity on Packers DB Ha Ha Clinton-Dix "not making a play" on a desperate, lofted Russell Wilson pass for two points late in regulation was strong.
All things FOX had a strong game. Its tapes of Clay Matthews' brutal hit on Wilson after the Sehawks quarterback threw an interception — Matthews was flagged — came quickly. And FOX closely followed the arm injuries to Seattle DBs Earl Thomas and Richard Sherman.
Even Buck, given to parroting useless stats, scored early with an applicable one. After Seattle DE Michael Bennett jumped offside, Buck noted Seattle leads the league in such violations. By early second quarter, the Seahawks had been flagged for two more.
NCAA's foolish double'talk'
So the NCAA is investigating what it calls "an epidemic" of academic fraud. Get ready: Those coaches whose recruits are exposed will claim no knowledge of what it took to ensure the players' admission then eligibility.
These college coaches will feign surprise that their players who can't speak a sentence in standard English couldn't read or write one, either.
Then there are those basketball players — often in their 20s — recruited from all over the world then enrolled despite their inability to speak more than barely-get-by English. Once admitted, what kinds of classes do they take? In English?
Stunning, how many Packers and Seahawks were eager to risk and draw 15-yard misconduct penalties in a conference championship. Three flags, Sunday; just amazing.
Charley Steiner, former ESPN anchor, ex-Yankee radio announcer — he replaced Michael Kay when Kay went to TV — and current Dodgers' broadcaster, has been honored by his alma mater, Bradley, with the "Charley Steiner School of Sports Communication."
Nelson Muntz's favorite player? Green Bay's Ha Ha Clinton-Dix.
Friday on MSG+, Butch Goring noted a Penguin and Islander in front of Pittsburgh's net, "a-whacking and a-hacking." Howie Rose: "Thanks, Clyde."
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