‘House Of Cards’ Season Three Live-Binge

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Today's the day folks. At 3 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, I'll begin live-bingeing the entire third season of Netflix Original series, House of Cards. That entails watching all thirteen new episodes, or "Chapters" as they're referred to, in a row in one sitting.

I'll be recapping in real time major plot points and gif-worthy moments, which will surely include spoilers so needless to say, you've been warned. But I'll also be sharing photos, tweets, and other moments from my first-hand experience watching far too much of one show in one day on both my laptop and through my XBOX One (I plan on switching between the two so I can efficiently screen cap, gif, etc. and continue watching). At the end of each episode we'll bundle it all up into a neat little gallery for you as to make things easier to follow and refer back to as the series rolls on.

I've set some rules for myself based on my House of Cards Binge-Watch Survival Guide and have included a few guess-timations as to how I think my journey will pan out. They are as follows:

• My goal is to clock in under 15 hours. Can it be done? Last season, each episode ran between 48 and 60 minutes. There are 13 episodes in Season Three which estimates anywhere from 624 minutes to 780 minutes, or roughly 10 to 13 hours. After episode one, or "Chapter 27," I don't plan on sitting through every opening credit sequence, nor the end credits, ultimately shaving off 1 minute, 37 seconds to 2 minutes per episode totaling a saved time of about 19 to 24 minutes. Speaking of "Chapter 27…"
• In case you missed it, on February 11th, Netflix had a brilliant marketing tactic technical glitch and leaked ten episodes of the series. If you were quick enough, you were able to view the first episode of the season, or "Chapter 27," before you were shut out. That being said, I've seen the first episode, but it's only fair if I start from the top, so note that I'll be re-watching the season premiere.
• When I binge-watch, I typically power through a couple of episodes back-to-back before designating 10 to 15-minute breaks in between. Divide and conquer!
• I've set an alarm for every hour until 5 p.m. this afternoon when I estimate I'll be done with the season. This is to keep myself from falling asleep for very long if I were to nod off.
• I'll be timing myself and documenting everything I've consumed to get me from start to finish. I'm starting with what you see below:

House of Snacks! Think I'm prepared for my epic #LIVEBINGE of @houseofcards Season Three for @deciderdotcom? So far I have: pickles, Pringles, one box of Cheez-Its, coffee, hummus, honey roasted peanuts, a Naked juice, a liter of Diet Coke, 40 oz of peanut butter, 4 cans of Coors Light, a couple of shots worth of Makers, and 2 nips of rum. In the fridge there are personal pizzas and bagels. Feeling ready…

A photo posted by Olivia Armstrong (@itslivers) on Feb 26, 2015 at 11:26pm PST

Feel free to join in and tell us about your own experience in the comments section below and on Twitter (@decider). I'm also open to snack suggestions as we move along together from the wee hours of the morning through to the late afternoon. So without further ado, let the House of Cards Season Three Live-Binge commence!

SPOILERS AHEAD.

 

HOUSE OF CARDS: "CHAPTER 27″ (Season 3, Episode 1)

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3:02 AM: So we open with a shot of President Frank Underwood peeing on his father's grave. His father is named Calvin. Anytime we see urine and the name Calvin in close proximity, of course our mind flashes to this.

3:08 AM: Dude is going through some extensive physical recovery. Rachel whacked him good. Damage to the frontal cortex. Yikes. (It's not easy for us viewers, either. Every time he's on screen a high-pitched ringing noise blares through our speakers. Combine this with the 3 a.m. timeframe and it's enough to make us want to go back to bed. Yet, we will soldier on.)

3:14 AM: So Claire is her typical conniving self and coaxing Doug into lying to the authorities about what really happened. Oh yeah, and her and Frank gave Remy Doug's old job. Poor Doug. I have this theory that this whole show is really Doug Stamper's story, but more on that later.

3:20 AM: Meet Gary. Gary is Doug's sweet brother who flew in from Ohio to take care of his bro. Now he's being shooed away. (PS, Gary's got a boner.)

3:22 AM: Awww I miss Colbert already. Especially now that he's reaming out Frank Underwood right now. I think what they're going for here is, Frank totally needs Doug, but Doug will not be fit to do his job anytime soon. Also, just want to note I'm slowly starting to feel like a person instead of a zombie.

3:25AM: Doug meets with Gavin Orsay, aka McPoyle, hot off his guest appearance on The Newsroom, who's hesitant to help him find Rachel.

 3:28AM: I know Frank is scarier than ever right now, but can we talk about how smokin' hot Remy looks this season?

3:37AM: Donald Blythe is the VP? TOTALLY missed that the first time around. Aw, I kind of missed his doughy face.

3:40AM.Hey Doug, is that a Tic-Tac in your mouth or are you just happy to see us? Oh, wait, that's a Percocet? Hashtag Slippery Slopes!

 3:46AM: So Frank's Secretary of State Cathy Durant doesn't want Frank to tap Claire for ambassador. Claire gets her way though. Because in the words of Meghan O'Keefe, she's just a variation of Lady MacBeth, the original ride or die bitch.

3:50AM: So Doug has hired a prostitute who could be Rachel's twin to come over, undress, and squirt whiskey in his mouth. We've heard of "taking a shot" but this is ridiculous(ly sexy).

(Click through the gallery above to see all of our commentary on this episode.)

 

HOUSE OF CARDS: "CHAPTER 28″ (Season 3, Episode 2)

3:56 AM: On to the second episode of the third season before 4 AM. This is truly a victory. Right now, Claire is trying to prove herself while Frank is dealing with traitor Democrats who don't want him to run. At this hour I need something more than politics to keep me going — bring me more butts!

4:00 AM: Molly Parker, baby! Looking fierce as fuuuuuck.

4:05 AM: So Claire blew it at her Senate hearing and the Democratic leadership party, including Jackie Sharp, doesn't want Frank to run. It's our favorite evil power couple against the world now. FYI, I'm about to make a fat cup of coffee.

4:14 AM: #PowerCoupleMontage. For some reason I think I hear the faint distance of the Game of Thrones theme.

4:17 AM: Meet the new Zoey. She's incredibly annoying.

HOLY SHIT PAUSE.

4:18 AM: FRANK UNDERWOOD IS CRYING AND CLAIRE IS GIVING HIM A PITY FUCK. Or is it a pity fuck? Maybe they just finally wanted to fuck without Meechum around. It's super duper weird though to be honest. Guess all those late-night phone calls to Senators really riled them up.

4:23 AM: So Claire didn't get picked for ambassador. But she ended up buying a bunch of rare eggs from some glorified girl scout instead.

4:33 AM: First off-screen table knock, folks! Tap, tap.

So Frank has never been more terrifying. Seriously, no one is safe this season. In an effort to get the Democratic leadership to meet him halfway, he's willing to concede but only if they help him govern for the next 18 months until election.

4:37 AM: Did he say $500 billion? Turning on the closed captioning now. This speech is KICK ASS though. And this whole America Works bill seems like it could actually work.

4:40: Wait, can we talk about how much I hate Seth. He's the Underwoods' latest bitch and sent to spy on poor Doug. If him and Benedict Cumberbatch were long lost snake brothers, I would't be surprised.

OH YEAH CHAPTER 29, YEAH.

4:48 AM: "Chapter 29″

Damn, if only Putin were this hot. Say hello to Russian President Petrov, played by Lars Mikkelsen, brother of Mads Mikkelsen who you may know as Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Meanwhile, Claire is kissing some serious ass with Cathy.

5:01: Robin Wright is a vision. This crappy screenshot does not do her justice.

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