The classless NFL clowns, and the ‘experts’ who perpetuate them

Written By Unknown on Jumat, 12 Desember 2014 | 17.08

To save time and syllables, we're going journo-green today. Thus "common sense" will be replaced by "it," as in "getting it."

And that's the point: "it" doesn't matter, not anymore. It doesn't matter that the absurd, the grossly inaccurate and the just plain stupid easily can be eliminated.

It is what it is. And that's it. There will be no deviation from, let alone elimination of, the ridiculous, no matter how self-evident.

For example, it doesn't matter that Sunday's Jets-Vikings game included a Minnesota interception returned for a touchdown and a Jets safety. It doesn't matter that in Sunday's Giants-Titans game, both teams' defenses scored touchdowns, and PATs followed.

It equally doesn't matter that the Browns' defense scored two touchdowns, the Rams returned a punt for a touchdown and the Chargers returned a Patriots fumble for a score.

All of those points, plus PATs, are added to a team's offensive totals, then presented as hard evidence of a team's per-game scoring offense, as if all points follow a possession that begin on first down, a quarterback calling signals.

Years ago, "experts" determined for us that all scoring be applied to the offense and "experts" have sustained such colossal nonsense as truth and proof from the booth to Duluth (sorry, I tend to rhyme when emotional).

Put "it" this way: When's the last time we heard a network announcer suggest we reject such "averages," as opposed to parroting them as factual enlightenment? "Experts" have always tried to measure football in terms of baseball — batting averages, ERAs. That then passes as legitimate statistical examination.

Does "it" matter that every week NFL and big-time college games are infected and affected and effected (forgive me) by ritual acts of such gross post-play plain-stupid misconduct as to determine the results of games?

In just one play on Sunday, three Giants — one, 10-year veteran Antrel Rolle, a media go-to-guy on matters of team matters — independently demonstrated what has made big-time football a vandalized version of the sport.

Early in the fourth quarter, with the Giants up, 33-7, Titans quarterback Zach Mettenberger was intercepted by seven-year vet Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. Mettenberger, dejected, head-down and completely out of the play, was then blasted — assaulted — by Giants defensive end Damontre Moore.

Tom CoughlinPhoto: Getty Images

Cheap shot is too polite a description.

But as the late TV pitchman Billy Mays would shout, "But wait, there's more!"

Rodgers-Cromartie scored, then he and Rolle, 17 NFL years between them, began an extended, immodest check-us-out end zone photo-op routine, which would have been childish and as nauseating had it been performed by rookie teammates on an undefeated team, let alone veterans on a 3-9 team playing a 2-10 team!

But there was no touchdown. Rodgers-Cromartie hadn't scored when Moore was flagged for assaulting Mettenberger, which was called "unsportsmanlike conduct." And even had the touchdown counted, Rolle also was flagged for "unsportsmanlike conduct," which was a generous description for acting like a classless jerk.

Afterwards, coach Tom Coughlin said he "didn't appreciate" what went on in that play. Fine.

But given that such conduct has become so common, so counter-productive, so risky, so avoidable and so easily eliminated, where is the coach, general manager and team owner who insists — demands — their team never suffer from such idiocy?

If there is such a team, surely we would know it, by now. But such NFL teams don't exist. High school? Yes. NFL? No. Crazy, yes?

And name one broadcaster among on-site "experts" who are known to firmly and regularly condemn such illogical and preventable misconduct as illogical, as insane. Who, beyond a brief and gentle, poke?

There are none. Oh, they get it. Who doesn't? But they won't say it. It's as if they risk their careers to make a major issue of a major issue — the clear and present lunacy that so often determines the games they're calling!

For crying out loud, an offensive lineman flagged for motion or a receiver who drops a pass stands the far greater chance of being shamed.

And so it goes. That, and dozens of other "its." Common sense has become so uncommon that it's threatened with extinction.

Fran-say-so spews more cock-&-bull

Mike FrancesaPhoto: WireImage

Today's word is cockalorum. A cockalorum is a self-important, boastful fool.

To that end, career cockalorum Mike Francesa has provided his annual on-air reminder that he pays someone to hang his outdoor Christmas lights. Obviously, it's important to him that we know that.

But this time of year, Sitting Bull has his generous side. Heck, history's leader in condemning big favorites to outright losers — simply by declaring they'll easily win — Sunday gave out a two-for-one Christmas parlay, declaring that there was no way either the 49ers or Saints would lose.

The Saints, 10-point favorites, lost by 31 to the 3-8 Panthers; the Niners, favored by nine, lost by 11 to the 1-11 Raiders. He got two games wrong by 62 points! By the way, both Raiders wins this year were preceded by Francesa's authoritative claim that there was no way it could happen. We are blessed.


Occupy Easy Street: Although Bud Selig repeatedly cites increased revenues as his proudest achievement as commissioner, dozens of longtime and productive MLB employees have, since 2008, received raises ranging from zero to two percent. Paid $18.5 million last season, Selig, had he thrown just that $500,000 back, could have provided 50 MLB employees $10,000 each.


Baseball's Hall of Fame has named Dick Enberg (Angels, NBC, now Padres) winner of the annual Ford Frick Award for broadcasting excellence. Want a stat? Vin Scully, after 32 years calling Dodgers games, won the Frick in 1982. Thirty-three years after that, he'll still be calling Dodgers games.


Reader Thomas Cermak: "I'm surprised Columbia's men's basketball team was able to overcome the trauma of recent grand jury decisions to play Kentucky." Wednesday, in a give-us-our-cut number, Columbia lost in Lexington, Ky.


MLB Network, at 9 p.m. Friday, acts on a better idea: A 90-minute in and behind-the-games study of this year's World Series umpires.


Ralph Branca on teammate and roommate Gil Hodges again being denied the Hall of Fame: "People focus on his power hitting, which was exceptional, clutch too. But he also was a terrific right-handed first baseman. Great hands, great pick-ups, great arm. No better fielding first baseman."


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